my mental state

berjalan di tanah gersang

mentari mencengkam dada

debu debu di jalanan

mencari teman setia

tiada lagi tujuanku

hati emas yang kucari

kasihnya di hujung dunia

mengapa tak kutemui

oh terdengar suara halus

bagai dengar dan menghilang

katanya pulanglah oh anakku

ia tiada di sini

kembara… puas sudah kumengembara

ke mana perginya oh cahaya

mencari hati emas bukannya mudah

di masa kini adakah kau peduli

mungkinkah dikau miliki

hati emas murni suci

inginku menjadi sahabatmu

hingga akhir hayat nanti

kembara…puas sudah ku mengembara

ke mana perginya oh cahaya

mencari hati emas bukannya mudah

mungkin selamanya takkan kutemui…

———-

by: m. nasir

———-

heh… appologies for so many updates… this is what happens when you’ve got too much time on your own… a bit under the weather over the fact that there will be no day off for eid… the eid morning will be spent in the hospital away from where i’m supposed to be… doing a presentation about insterstitial lung diseases… how’s that for a celebration? ughhh… ciss dan cissss lagi… sekian.

opportunity…

i remembered watching one of the ed’s series. there’s this new girl that captured ed’s attention. what did she do? she kisses ed spontaneously one morning having no idea who he was. ed became so curious of this girl that he waited at the same spot next morning, in the hope to see her and maybe get another kiss. wondering whether she knew him at all. but obviously the girl didn’t turn up next morning. and ed only found out who she was later on, when he stumbled upon this laundry shop where the girl went to the other day. to cut the story short, when ed finally met her and asked why she kisses him. her answer makes ed even more captive. every night before she fall asleep, she’ll write a wish list – listing things that she would do the next day. something bizarre. something new. something weird. anything. for example – kiss a stranger. just to open up opportunities. and she managed to do everything on the list every day.

and one of the sweetest scene is when ed asked, “what opportunity?”

and she answered, “opportunity like this…” and they kiss… yepp… so she gets the opportunity to get to know ed… heh

okiedokie, my plan is definitely NOT to start kissing some stranger on the street. no way hosey! the thing that triggers me here is about opportunities. how do you know that you allow enough room for opportunity to take place? people once told me that ‘successful people don’t wait for opportunity to come to them, instead they seek for opportunity’. another saying goes, ‘when one door of opportunity closes, another opens… it’s up to us to notice it’… hmm… i wonder… but i guess sometimes it’s not that people don’t seek for opportunity or people not noticing the opportunity they had, but some just choose to ignore them… maybe… it is actually much easier to live the life they have been living rather than to take the opportunity and venture into some unknown journey. full stop.

drop by drop

it reaches me

from way above

it came for me

the scent of sweetness

of the tree and grass

calm the heart that ask

to be love and touch

it has been raining all week in this place i have to be. sentimental. love the smells. the sweet scent is kind to the nasal bits even if the drenching footpath and the contained room are not as kind. the gloomy scenery seems to be saying, “hold on… let’s stop the time”. everything moves slower than usual. everything seems peaceful. either people stay at home or people rushing for shelter. none wanted to be in the rain, drenching wet and cold rain that is. suddenly, rain is my music. rain is my view. rain is my company. and once rain is gone, the beautiful rainbow awaits, if not sunshine. oh but i still miss the glorious sunshine. and the dramatic full moon at half month when the sky is clear. and the little stars that tumbles silly in the pitch dark sky. the fluffy clouds floating with grace. but this is the time for rain. to be united again with the earth. just for the time being…  just for a moment…

in the pitch black of the morning hour, a figure rushed to the bus stop. the rain pouring down heavily. with two bags and an umbrella, there is a struggle. luckily there, a familiar face greeted her. smiling and having the same "it’s aweful. miserable first day isn’t it?"… and the synchronised nod.

"so we’ll be spending the whole month in the boring b******d…"

"yeah, seems like it…"

"oh well, at least there are quite a few of us. distraction and away from leeds may actually works wonder"

and the bus came not long after. struggling still to have all the bags up on the bus. she picked the ‘metro’. scanning through some bird flu outbreaks. apparently the one here is of a new strain that can kill people.

"oh look at my horoscope," she claimed.

and we read the horoscope together. something about a new start i think. i don’t know. my memory elapse. and then mine, talking about some lunar lining up together indicating the one in twelve years luck is about to come.

"yeah… i’m so lucky… haha"

"of course you’ll be… you’ll be graduating this year…"

and the thought just cross her mind again that night. scary and mixed feelings again. graduating? don’t know which is worst - scared not knowing how she’ll survive or scared for the patients that’s going to be under her care like in… hmmph. probably the latter. end

ok. that is one of the quotes on a t-shirt i had long time ago. org kata… kenyang perut suka hati. tapi orang juga kata… makan banyak sangat nanti jadi malas. but contradictory to that is what i’m thinking of doing… hehe…

at one point during summer i was shocked with the weight gain. haha. dramatic. that’s all i can say. but now come to think of it. i don’t think i want to lose that. reason being: it’s going to be winter soon, i need fat pad as some sort of heat conservation system. i think the wrinkles and scars look less obvious with the obvious stretching. the bones doesn’t look so prominent with all the fat. being underweight is one of the factor that causes depression. hormones run haywire when one is too skinny. don’t want to worry those who care for me - as in looking like not having enough food, cengkung thus come the statement like, "awat nih? teruk blajaq ka??" although it’s kinda true… haha… who doesn’t?. besides, food is not to be wasted and should be cherished. and plus, one should be thankful to still have a desire to eat and can eat whatever one wants.

so, carpe diem! bulging belly is definitely not the aim but to have an ideal weight and being healthy would be a blessing. hehe.

here’s a little tip to know what your ideal weight should be like. it’s call BMI - equivalent to body mass index not british malaysian institute. calculated by (weight in kg) divided by (height in meter x height in meter). hmm, actually still having trouble when the english refer to their weight in pounds and height in feet. why la? thank god malaysian don’t use unit hasta, depa, jengkal anymore. anyway, the ideals should be between 20-25. lower than that - underweight. higher than that - overweight.

good luck! =P and enjoy the pics… salivating… ahahaha

seringkali hati bertanya

tiap saat kita bersama

sampai bilakah harus kumendam rasa

tak pernah kumerasai

bibir terkunci jiwa bergelora

rasa tak percaya

adakah ku bermimpi

mimpi di siang hari

korus:

dirimu… telah lama kunantikan

wajah yang bermain di mimpi mimpiku

hidupku… kini bagaikan penjara

tanpamu di sisi tak bermakna…

mungkinkah akan terjadi

dirimu aku miliki

berilah tanda kepastianmu

namun jika tak tercapai harapanku

selamanya dirimu tetap kusanjungi

———-

by: spider

———-

lagu kedua spider yg menambat hatiku selepas ngam ho!… ahahaha… lantas terus menjadi lagu tema bilik… nostalgia betul…

so here i am at quarter past two in the morning after a chat and a long call to my dear friends… it has been a while since we did some catching up and somehow, someway - it’s an unspoken sentimental throughout the conversation… it’s time to live our future and none of us knew exactly how we’ll end up… insyaallah one day we’ll meet again and i pray that all of us get what they wished for in life, amin…

i am still having troubles with the computer, thus the pic - which is the current background due to the limited pics i can have access to… aiyoooo… i don’t intent to elaborate here… maybe the com thoughts i need some spicing up in my life… phewwww… whatever… hopefully it’ll be sorted out soon…

anyway anyhow, one of my blogging friends tag me this bonus entry and i somehow feel like doing it now… so, here it goes…

BONUS ENTRY - SEVEN!!!

7 things you plan before you die:

1. hajj
2. umrah - if possible in ramadhan
3. visit taj mahal - and all the wonders of the world if i have the money and time
4. serve in a major disaster
5. have a wonderful little cottage/house with a perfect backyard and view - ada bukit, anak sungai and lovely gardens… ada ke?
6. be a passionate doctor - like patch adam maybe?
7. have a beautiful understanding loving and caring family that i can wish nothing more

7 things i could do:

1. be a better person than i was before
2. organise the old notes and junkies in my room
3. prepare and study diligently for the finals
4. take more attention to own health
5. less time on the internet
6. less unnecessary spendings/shoppings
7. keep in touch with all my friends

7 celebrity crushes: these are people that i like to see but i know no details of them whatsoever… don’t usually keep track… haha… maybe i forgot some…

1. m. nasir
2. chad michael murray - one tree hill
3. peter gallagher - oc
4. jason wade - lifehouse
5. tarabas in cave of the golden roses - dunno his real name
6. albus dumbledore or gandalf
7. viggo mortensen - lord of the rings

7 often repeated words:

1. adios
2. kot
3. ntah
4. abaikan
5. adoiii/adehh
6. hmm…
7. macam

7 physical traits i look for in the opposite sex: this is just for fun cause i don’t think i’m too fussy about looks… heh

1. not shorter than i am - mueskeskes… i know people said murah rezki if i’m taller but nevermind lah…
2. dimples - lesung pipit, lesung batu, apa apa lesung… keh keh keh
3. lovely set of teeth and eyes - hahahaha… this is unbelievable
4. no bulging bellies - have to agree with ck, very spot on!!
5. athletic - tiru ck lagi… hehe
6. muka dengan pencahayaan agung - easy to the eyes and soul lah senang cerita… hahaha…
7. really nice hair - boleh laa nih… last one…

7 tags go to: those who blogs… hehe

1. faza
2. ieja
3. faridah
4. nisha
5. ha
6. bur
7. and whoever who wants to do this…

sekian, terima kasih… i should now be gone… have fun and adios!

in a lazy mandom mode… lalalala…

so, it’s no longer a dream… i’m back… i’m in leeds… a bit over a day now but still everything seems like a dream… woken up this morning in a state of delirium (i know… i know… it’s really not that bad…)… just a bit confused as to where i am… heh… especially when the room is like ‘tongkang pecah’ or ‘kapal karam’, whichever way you like…

no more comfy double bed… just the heat from the radiator… the outside is gloomy… and yes, i have to tell myself, "i am in leeds…"

the supposedly 15 hours journey became a day journey altogether… the flight was originally 2 hours after midnight but at the very last minute (that morning), we are told to fly at 6pm in the evening with like 7 or 8 hours transit in dubai… well, i can only say that things must happen for a reason… and alhamdulillah all went well and there’s no dog around at manchester airport…

i know it’s ok not to fast when you are a musafir- a traveller, but since i figured that while i’m in dubai i can have some sahur/iftar… and by noon i’ll be in machester and not long after reaching leeds i’ll break the fast, i fast anyway… but woohoooo… i’ll probably think twice next time…

hmm… the tiredness and everything starts kicking in when you are dehydrated (the aircond or whatever ventilation system they have in the airplane is definitely not helping), hungry (duhh…) , cold upon arrival and waiting for the coach and taxi (i don’t bring any coat, sweater or jumper and it’s october… huhu… padan muka sendiri) and to have some uncooperative people who likes to kick the back of your chair… plus the smells of the food that are ever so tempting - i tried sleeping strategy but the stewardess woke me up to confirm my decision not to eat and thus, the smells… and plus having to manpower the around 50kg luggage… aduhaiii… not to mention the butterflies in the tummy with anticipations…. heh… so, maybe to qada’ puasa is a better option than to endure it all… i don’t know…

hmm… enough lah…

current objective is to figure out where on earth did i put all those useful computer cds… as well as the external hard drive cd… arghhhhhhhh… bilik dah kemas tak jumpak plak mende mende tuh… isk isk… tolonnnnnnn… komputer baru diformat semula… and i am SO BLOODY LAZY and buta komputer to configure my computer to my lovable personal setting again… so, how??

and come monday, the new academic year begins… *gulp*…

can i please go home? *with sparkling eyes*

as in the title… felt much better and enjoying the last few days of hot sunny all-year-round summer of malaysia… whatever it is, it’s time and i should be greatful for the time i already had… (",)

the packing has been finalised and God, i sure hope it will be ok with the weighing machine at the airport… pleasee… pleaseee… *with twinkling eyes and the most innocent look*… hopefully with the barakah of ramadhan, let there be some gracious and kind-hearted officer-in-charge behind the counter tomorrow night… and if it’s not too much to ask, please let it be no dogs around to smell and haunt my bags at the manchester airport upon my arrival… may the journey be a smooth one indeed, amin… insyaAllah…