my mental state

i’ve been away… will tell about it probably some other time…

many appologies if i haven’t been contacting and seeing you in malaysia, will definitely try to make it before heading back to where i have to… for those already there, miss all of you and take care of each other… will see you soon, insyaAllah…

sincerely hope that all of you are in good health, great spirit and are blessed always…

to all muslim and muslimah out there, SLAMAT MENGHAYATI RAMADHAN = RAMADHAN AL-MUBARAK… may the barakah be with us insyaallah

lalala… i poke another vein today…

hehehe… i got signed off last friday…

i do take a long time to settle in… and after about 4 weeks in the same ward that could easily be categorised as one of the busiest ward in malaysia, i’m sure i’ll miss it later on… you get to know the people… you are familiar with the working space… you just feel belonged…

there’s so much to learn… there’s so much to see… but what’s interesting in medicine is definitely the patient themselves… *clap clap* to the patients!! thanks for assisting my learning experiences…

———-

some of the memoirs…

case 1

doctor: pakcik ada hisap rokok?

patient: tak ada lah… mana ada hisap…

doctor: bila pakcik berhenti rokok?

patient: 2 hari lepas

doctor: ooOOOooo… 2 hari lepas… lepas kena masuk wad la… (whilst maintaining a straight face)

patient: ehehehe (guilty smile while breathing with supplementary oxygen)

**

case 2 (on assessing risk factors)

doctor: pakcik ada masuk hutan, mandi sungai?

patient: tak ada

doctor: pakcik ada ambik dadah?

patient: tak ada

doctor: pakcik ada main perempuan?

patient: ish… mana ada…

(interior monolog: aduhai soalan…)

**

case 3

doctor: pakcik nama apa?

patient: ahmad ali (bukan nama sebenar - not the real name)

doctor: sekarang hari apa?

patient: hari ni hari isnin (which is true…)

doctor: pakcik tau pakcik kat mana sekarang ni?

patient: tau… kat maju junction

doctor: errr… pakcik kenal tak saya siapa?

patient: tau… you doktor wad X kat hospital X

doctor: jadi pakcik tau pakcik kat mana sekarang ni?

patient: tau… kat maju junction…

doctor: jadi kenapa doktor ada kat maju junction? (maintaining a straight face)

patient ramble on something and smiling… oh dear… oh dear… disorientation to place… weird but it happens…

**

case 4

doctor: ok pakcik… nak ambil darah sikit ye…

patient: ughhh… ughhh… aduhh…. (complete with facial expression)

doctor: (blur) kenapa dengan pakcik nih? saya baru letak kapas… jarum pun tak kena lagi…

patient: laaa… yeke?

something that i got from the many junk e-mails… mueh kes kes…

———-

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn’t be that man I adored
You don’t seem to know, don’t seem to care what your heart is for
But I don’t know him anymore
There’s nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That’s what’s going on, nothing’s fine I’m torn

I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late, I’m already torn

So I guess the fortune teller’s right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I don’t care, I have no luck, I don’t miss it all that much
There’s just so many things that I can’t touch, I’m torn

I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late, I’m already torn. torn.

There’s nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That’s what’s going on, nothings right, I’m torn

I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I’m ashamed bound and broken on the floor
You’re a little late, I’m already torn

———-

by: natalie imbruglia

lalalala… and then… arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

understood? nope? well… nevermind…

intended to do something but something else happened… God please help me… so much of being away… so much of gathering what’s left in self…

keep on buying some times… keep on believing that i still have all the time in the world… before facing yet another journey…

yes, life is not a destination… it’s a process… it’s a journey…

but the journey can be so unbearable at times that i wonder what will be left of me at the end of the journey…

heh… just ignore this…

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t "be friends". A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he Probably is.
Don’t stay because you think "it will get better." You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are… even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.

If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you… a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals… Look for someone complimentary … not supplementary.

Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man.
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)…
You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

———-

copied from a friend… thanks… enjoy… hehe

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh….

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law!

———-

did you laugh? ahaha… cause i sure did… just another junkies from the internet… =P

a day of temper yesterday ends with a smile today… so happy for a dear friend, ending up smiling till the end of day… alhamdulillah dan semoga barakah dan kesejahteraan Allah sentiasa bersamamu… amin

———–

two boys decided that their life is not worth living in the ward yesterday… a sixteen years old decided to ingest some rat poison and a twenty years old decided to swallow 20 unknown pills… the sixteen years old is suspected to be under some sort of pressure and the twenty years old did it after arguing with his girlfriend… the latter just boils me - especially when he is smiling without even the slightest tinge of guilt and playing with the handphone later on… what is wrong with you?

fact: he is just 20, the female to male ratio is ever increasing, i don’t think any religion encourage suicide plus you are not even married… what will happen if you get married eh? more stress… more responsibility… then what will you do? just think for a second…

of course we don’t know for sure what they went through but still, "suicide is the most selfish way to die"… i quote what a consultant once said to me. "if you succeeded, fine… you are dead… but you leave behind all these horrible memories for all other people you left behind, who may end up feeling that life’s not worth living as well - traumatised by you…" … just how selfish can one be?

i hope none of us will ever decide to take his/her life in his/her own hands…

you feel like a ship trying to catch wind, but your anchor’s still in the harbor. it’s hard to get any forward motion going when something’s holding you back.

———-

a male retort, "ladies like to write and remember everything don’t they?"

a female answered, "what makes you said that?"

the male explain, "well, this is just from my random observation about the difference in male and female… the female tend to remember, to write everything that happened, to recap the past… they wanted to remember everything and the past is something they cherish and value. honestly… male don’t think as much of the past compared to the female… what matters is the future… it’s just interesting to me… hehe"

the female said, "i think what happens is the fear that they might forget stuffs… and they wrote it so that they remember not to make the same mistake twice… hehe… though of course, sometimes they never read it again… and as for some, they are too connected to the past that they can’t see the future…"

the conversation continues…

———-

that’s the difference isn’t it? the yin and yang of life. the thing you sometimes can’t live with but you definitely can’t live without. the chemistry. the balance. nobody is perfect and nothing is complete.

the past need not be forgotten but it must not be the anchor that holds you back. what’s done is done. the lesson has been learnt and the way forward must involve taking the big step leaving the past behind. the past builds who you are and the future is there for us to embrace it.

bak iklan kemerdekaan petronas tahun ini, "melangkah terus ke hadapan, bukan ke belakang".

simply put. (",)